


moonlight, hold me in your sweet embrace

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt, pls dont read if youre affecting negatively by something like this, stay safe, tw, yikes a sad one again fellas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-21 20:38:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16583744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Maybe it’s time.





	moonlight, hold me in your sweet embrace

**Author's Note:**

> hihi!!! yes, another vent fic by me H kangk learn how to post something happy challenge: failed GCJDJ alrighty pls pls dont read if talks of suicide dont settle well with you. stay safe, stay healthy!! <33

Jisung twiddled with his thumbs, eyes not leaving the small tear in his wallpaper, tears blurring his vision yet he felt nothing. He’s been feeling _nothing_ for too long. Too long now.

He laughs, a bitter, wet laugh. It doesn’t reach his eyes. He lied down because he felt like he was going to throw up, could be caused from how he hasn’t eaten much in a couple days.

He looks at the folded paper in his lap, eyes locking on it. The fold wasn’t perfect, it bothered him.

It won’t matter anyways, he figures that, so he forgets it. Round eyes slowly skim the rest of his bedroom. It was dark, he didn’t feel like turning on the lamp. He takes note of Jeongin’s unmade bed, how the sheets were slipping off the mattress. He laughs again, fond of the fact that the youngest boy shoves his sheets under his pillow the best he can, because he hates having to tackle his way to get them on the corners.

He notices the little things of his bedroom. Takes note, basks in the memories they brought. His smile still doesn’t reach his eyes.

The clock on his phone blinks _9:30_ at him as his eyes skim over the worried texts from the members, asking him why he won’t come join the rest for the movie they’re watching. He decides to reply hastily, saying he’s just not feeling the best.

He sighs, kicking his feet over the side of the bed, taking note of the way the smooth hardwood feels under him.

Maybe it’s time.

Jisung smiles, getting up with shaky legs and taking one last look at himself in the mirror. He smiles bigger, he looks like fucking trash. If he could, he’d punch the mirror with all his strength and jab every piece of glass into his body just so he’d feel something.

He turns away.

He looks back to his bed, gasping softly when he realizes the note is crumpled slightly, tangled in his sheets. He sets it gently on the pillow, before making his bed look somewhat decent than before.

He looks at his bed sort of as if he were an interior designer judging the value. He liked to do that sometimes, giggling to himself as he spreads out everything to be perfect and smooth.

He trots out of the room, out into the living room where his members lay.

“Oh! Sungie!” comes the voice of Chan.

Jisung loves Chan, loves how much he supports him. Loves how he’s helped him grow so patiently.

“Hi, hyung! I love you!” he reminds him, just in case the older boy forgot.

Chan seems surprised, replying hesitantly that he loves him too. Jisung beams at him.

“Do you want to join us, hyung?” Felix’s voice comes, peeking up from under Changbin’s arm.

“Ah, no,” Jisung says, sounding defeated. “I still don’t feel too good, I’m going out to get some tea.”

“Buy me an americano, hyung!” Jeongin begs, running over to Jisung.

Jisung laughs, playfully punching Jeongin in the arm.

“No, I only have enough money for myself. It’s too late to be drinking coffee anyways, Innie.” He chuckles.

Jeongin pouts, inevitably walking back to his seat beside Hyunjin.

“Yeah, Sung. Speaking of that, don’t you think it’s a little too late to be going out alone? I’ll come with you.” Woojin’s concerned voice pops in, leading other choruses of  _yeah, I’ll come too._

Jisung panics. It wasn’t supposed to go this way.

“No, no, really. I’ll be okay. I’m only going a few blocks down, I need to clear my head anyways. I’ll text one of you when I get there and I’m coming back, yeah?” He left his phone in his bedroom.

Woojin studies his face for a moment, before letting it go and turning back to the screen.

“Alright. Be fast, and be safe.”

Jisung smiles, bidding them all goodbye. Not forgetting to mention he loves them.

Woojin didn’t like this. He felt strange, Jisung was acting up. He shrugs it off, knowing he hadn’t been feeling well but it still didn’t settle with him.

Jisung knew the route by heart. He congratulates himself for being able to put up a good act, smiling big enough and thanking the darkness of the dorm for making it just too difficult to notice his crying.

He takes a sharp turn, tears clouding his vision and sobs wracking his shoulders.

 _It’s funny,_ he thinks.  _It’s funny that I was able to get away so easily._

It’s funny to him that he was able to get this far. Whether in life, or simply right now as he walks along the grass. He knows this route due to walking it thousands of times over the years just to turn back when he felt satisfied staring out at the calm bustle of river water.

He feels free this time, he hadn’t realized that it had been around 15 minutes since he left, not knowing the members had blown up his phone. He doesn’t know that Woojin and Chan knew what was up with him, doesn’t know they separated from the others, finding and reading his note over and over. He doesn’t know the way Chan panicked, not knowing what to do. He doesn’t know that the two eldest were merely a couple blocks away from him.

All he knows is that his adrenaline was racing. It was now or never. He laughs into the sky, the sort a maniac would. He bends over, sobbing and laughing uncontrollably.

If you were to be say, taking a stroll down this forest path, or say, canoeing down the water. You’d see a broken, bruised hearted blonde haired boy. Jisung twirls the silver and red pocket knife in his fingers, giggling when the dull corner brushes his palm.

This river was special to him, a relaxing place. He sits down at the edge of the water, resting his chin atop his knees. He listens to the rush of the water. He feels that maybe his tears would fall and mix in effortlessly.

Jisung didn’t bring his coat, he laughs at how stupid he was to do that. Though it doesn’t really matter at this point, he knew that the others would still scold him for something like that. He smiles, he really loves his members.

Han Jisung lays down in his favourite patch of trilliums, looking up at the stars above him. He smiles again to himself, playing with one small white flower in the same hand that held his knife.

Maybe this wasn’t the most graceful way to die, but he finds it nice anyways. He unsheathes the blade, watching fondly as it glitters under the crack of moonlight.

Han Jisung felt he was free in this moment, felt truly at peace.

Comforted by the bed of the soft flowers and calming rush of the river water, he lets the sky take him into it’s open arms.

**Author's Note:**

> this ending is open for interpretation on how he passes i didnt know nor want to rlly write everythig out so H ueha. sry jisung


End file.
